The morning after felt raw, like my skin was turned inside out. Twelve hours earlier, I had whispered something I had been holding for days to my partner.

At the time, I felt both terrified and strangely liberated. But the next day? Full on vulnerability hangover.

I was flooded with the nausea that comes after you reveal tender underbelly. Even after years of emotional and physical nakedness with my partner, I still had to fight the urge to text, “Just kidding.” Every cell in my body screamed, “Build new walls —this time twice as high!”

Instead, I sat with it.

I let the discomfort course down the superhighway of my nervous system without reaching for a distraction. No scrolling. No vegetable dyed peanut candies. No busy work. No wine. No Netflix or chillin’.

Just feeling.

We’re so good at numbing ourselves.

At the first sign of discomfort, we reach for something—anything—to dull the feeling. Work, food, shopping, sex, Social Media—even self-care has become another way to avoid what’s underneath.

But I’m learning that emotional numbing isn’t selective.

When we suppress discomfort, we also suppress joy, delight, awe, curiosity, desire, and connection. It’s all tied together.

Intimacy only happens when we allow ourselves to feel without filters or brakes. When we stop intellectualizing our emotions and do the only thing we are required to do about feelings —feel.

What would happen if you let yourself feel everything? If you stayed with that uncomfortable conversation without changing the subject? If you sat with your longing instead of distracting yourself from it?

The Invitation: The next time you reach for your go-to numbing agent (your phone, a glass of wine, unnecessary busyness), pause.

Take a few belly breaths and ask: What am I trying not to feel right now?

Then, allow yourself to feel it for 90 seconds. That's how long it typically takes for an emotion to move through your body if you don't resist it.

When the feeling passes—and it will—notice what remains.

Knee–deep,

P.S. This song… these lyrics… Solange gets it.

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I tried to keep myself busy

I ran around in circles

Think I made myself dizzy

I slept it away, I sexed it away

I read it away

Away

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