A lover once asked me, "Do you think you really see people?"

I replied, "I hope I do."

He smiled and went on to tell me that he admired how I made everyone, even complete strangers, feel seen. People tend to open up and share tender parts of themselves with me almost immediately. He attributed this to my ability to make people feel seen.

Before then, I had not recognized this about myself.

This conversation has been playing in my head lately, as I notice all this talk about loving and caring for ourselves. I wonder if we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we humans are communal by nature.

There are some things about myself that I would never see without relationships, like my capacity to hear what people don’t say, my tendency to overextend, my ability to stay calm under pressure, and my gift for being a safe space.

These aspects were all invisible to me until relationships brought them into focus.

A frient (friend + client) and I often discuss how, without reflective surfaces, we wouldn’t even know our own faces. Just as relationships are the only way we recognize the identities we uphold, they help us name our shame, serve as a place where we learn how to love, and enable us to recognize when we are loved.

Even the not-so-great relationships show us what we don't want — and like experience, contrast is a phenomenal teacher.

When would I feel known?
How would I know true intimacy?
When would I be faced with the deepest parts of myself without the mirror of another human?

Relationships are where we go to heal the stuff stored deep within the basement of our psyche. Shadows don't appear in isolation; they need light from another source to become visible.

Maybe what we're really missing is not just connection but reflection—the mirrors that only other people can provide.

The magic happens in the tension between vulnerability (being seen in our entirety) and safety (being held despite what's revealed). It's inherently sensual, that dance between exposure and embrace.

This week, look for mirrors in your life, not just support. Let yourself be seen, not just heard. Embrace the reflections that others share with you, even if they reveal parts of yourself that you might wish to keep hidden.

The invitation: Who in your life helps you see yourself more clearly? How might you create space this week for that kind of reflection?

Seeking and seeing,

P.S. I'd love to hear what your mirrors have shown you - just hit reply. 💛