At the start of a relationship, curiosity is easy. Effortless. Uncomplicated. Mostly because we know absolutely nothing about the other person. So we ask questions. We listen. We're interested.

But of course, the longer you are with someone, the less curious you become. The brain loves to automate. That's why we think we know all there is to know about our partners. The brain is always looking for patterns. So, once we see a pattern, we stop asking questions.

Which kind of sucks.

Don't get me wrong. It's wonderful to know someone and feel known. But that feeling only lasts for so long before it starts to feel like disinterest, am I right?

It's the wall so many relationships inevitably hit.

We stop asking what feels good because we think we already know. Except memories are inaccurate. We’re only ever remembering the last time we remembered. To put it another way, our memories are editors.

And since we believe real intimacy is telepathic, we not only stop asking questions, but we assume that our partners know all our answers.

The thrill is gone because we operate on autopilot.

Intimacy, in all its messy, vulnerable glory, requires a little mystery and a lot of curiosity.

In the first episode of our Good Sex series, we're talking about why beating around the bush is killing your sex life and how using your words is the fix.

​Click here to listen to the full episode​

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